Supporting a Friend Through Infertility
Infertility is something that many couples experience. In fact, latest research shows 1 in 8 couples experience infertility. It can happen at any age to anyone without warning. For some, getting pregnant comes easy and without any struggle at all. You know…you and your partner talk about it, you practice, lots of practice, and then boom 4 weeks later you see two pink lines. But it just isn’t that way for everyone. For those struggling to get pregnant it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting watching everyone around them announce their pregnancies. Many couples find themselves feeling isolated and alone during their quest to start or grow their families. There are several ways to support a friend or loved one as they learn to navigate the journey. We’ve put together a few ways that you can love and support someone:
Be honest with them. If you have a pregnancy to announce, don’t feel like you have to hide and your friend won’t be supportive or understanding. Chances are they would rather find out from you than feel like you hid it for their sake.
Give them the grace to “opt out” of baby showers, gender reveals, and young birthday parties without the guilt. Believe me, they ARE truly happy for you, but the pain of being surrounded by reminders of what might never be, can almost be unbearable.
Ask them how you can support them. We all navigate difficult seasons differently and sometimes asking is better than assuming. Perhaps they know exactly how they’d like to be supported and will appreciate being asked.
Understand the infertility lingo. There are so many acronyms in the medical world. Patients will begin to use these words with their specialists and others. If you can dive into their world of infertility terminology it will help them feel like you not only invested in their journey but conversations will become easier as well. HERE is a great resource for learning the infertility language or just brushing up on the ever changing acronyms. https://rescripted.com/posts/ttc-ivf-wtf-the-complete-guide-to-fertility-acronyms?gclid=Cj0KCQjwio6XBhCMARIsAC0u9aGZHfi78R-BOU4CXrDgGsfCqzSqq7Bbuv04qf3MsD1fgcaZwLToqdUaAg_3EALw_wcB
Follow up on appointment days. The infertility journey is filled with many appointments and many different specialists. This can be very daunting for some couples. Set a reminder to follow up with your friend asking how their appointment went or how they might be feeling after their appointment. Better yet, if their spouse isn’t available, ask if you can take them! Even something as simple as a test is made easier with a friend by your side!
Listen. Sometimes all someone needs is another person to hear. Not try to fix it. Don’t offer advice. Just listen.
Avoid saying things like: “If it’s meant to be it’ll be.”, “My friends cousin stopping worrying and she got pregnant.” “How are you going to pay for all this?”, “Why don’t you just adopt?”These are all things that people may say because they mean well but in reality it’s just not helpful and can actually cause more anxiety than help.
Recognize the mental strain they are enduring. Sometimes you may try to reach out and they are not very receptive. Know that they may just need time and space. Save that space for them and be there when they are ready.
The journey to parenthood can be daunting and here at Starfish Infertility Foundation we are fully committed to bringing awareness, sharing resources, and supporting couples. If you are experiencing infertility or know someone who is, please follow us on social media and sign up for our newsletter for tips applying for grants and for support. We truly stand by the philosophy that the infertility journey comes in waves. There will be ups and downs, trials and triumphs, and we will be here with you for all of them in between.